As much as Michael Martin doesn’t quite look his age, it was apparent that his astute intelligence and knack for the world of martial arts would put Chuck Norris to shame. While huggers don’t tickle his fancy, this single biker has no problem kicking women to the literal curb who can’t go with the flow—on bike or in life. I caught up with Mike outside of Up Th' Hill Cocktails in La Crescenta, where I once spent an evening losing my dignity. But this story is about Mike.
Name: Michael Martin
Occupation: Martial Arts Instructor/Actor
Relationship Status: Single
Interested In: A conservative motorcycle enthusiast.
Are you really 53?
That’s shocking. Do you much?
Yes. I do, but I like being single and I like my .
So, you’re a casual dater? Do you want a girlfriend?
If there were somebody out there that would be to my liking.
Is it hard finding women to your liking?
In L.A? Yeah.
Do you date ?
I never have, but I would date one. I just wouldn’t have a serious relationship with one because they’re too pretentious.
And actors aren’t?
I didn’t say they weren’t.
To a point.
I like being alone. I’m not lonely. Never have been. I like to do what I want to do. If I want to get up in the morning and just leave and go somewhere I don’t want to have to tell anybody. I want to get up and go. Especially some women around L.A just want to know how much you make.
Have you ever been married?
No. I have an 11-year-old daughter. She’s 5 foot 6.
Wow. Is her tall?
No. We’re both the same height.
Was the mailman tall?
If you found someone that wasn’t interested in keeping tabs on you all the time, what three qualities do you look for in a woman?
First thing is that she would have to be smart. Secondly, she would have to be conservative.
How do you mean?
Like she needs to be a Republican?
No. No. aren’t conservative. They used to be, but they’re not anymore.
So, she would need to be socially conservative or politically conservative?
Yes. I’m not into liberals. They drive me nuts.
In other words, you don’t want a granola munching tree hugger?
Ok. No. No. Right.
Do you any nightmare dating stories?
I had a girl on the back of my bike during a date and I was riding down the road and when you make a turn on a bike, you’re supposed to lean with the driver. She started leaning the other way. I pulled back up and told her that when I turn, she needs to lean with me. And she says it doesn’t feel natural to do that—
—I would have to agree with her.
Right. It doesn’t feel natural. I understand that. So, we are riding some more and I turn and she does it again and we almost wreck. So, I get off and tell her to lean with me, not against me.
Wait. Is this a first date?
This is a first date. I tell her we are going to get in a wreck if she doesn’t lean with me. So, we go again and she does the same exact thing when I do another turn. So, I pull off the side of the road, I get her off the bike and I head to the payphone—this was before cell phones—and went to the phone and said to her, “I need to call someone to pick you up. Who would you like me to call?”
(gasp) You did not.
I sure did. I told her, “I cannot ride with you because you’re going to kill me.” She was pissed.
Did you get a second date? Never mind. That was a dumb question.
Which brings me to my third quality that I look for—she has to be able to ride on a bike. I have a Honda cruiser, a long distance bike.
Is there anything important people should know about you? Other than the fact that you are a total control freak?
I’m not a control freak. I’m set in my ways. I can change a bit, but not much. I like my free time. If I am going to date someone, I need spontaneity. I drove to San Francisco on the spur of the moment. I also want someone that likes to as much as I do.
I teach and train in Shou' Shu.'
Basically, you can beat someone up.
It’s been known to happen.
Is Chuck Norris your hero?
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