End of the World May 21st: The Essential Rapture Survival Guide

Harold Camping says the rapture is coming May 21. Here’s what you need in case Judgment Day is truly upon us.

89-year-old California pastor Harold Camping, the founder of Family Radio Worldwide, claims that the rapture is coming Saturday, May 21, 2011 and that the world will officially end Oct. 21, 2011. Camping’s basing this on a complex ("made up") mathematical formula that even Will Hunting couldn’t solve. (Yes, I realize Hunting is a fictional character, but at this point, I’m not convinced Camping is real either.)

For some reason, perhaps a slow news cycle, respected media outlets are giving Camping’s prediction ample ink.  I thought it was only appropriate to weigh in with a few helpful hints to make it through the weekend.

We’ll find out by the end of the day if Camping’s math adds up. And just in case he’s right, here are five Judgment Day necessities that you should pick up to prepare for the big day.

1. Toilet paper – Obviously. Stock up at one of our .

2. Water - Another no-brainer. Hydration is a staple of any good rapture gameplan. 

3. Music and Books – The album The Listening by the Canadian pop artist Lights is required rapture listening, especially because it will bring so many spacey, synth sounds to your ears. As for books, the selections abound at and . 

4. Sweatpants – If the world’s going down, might as well get comfortable. Marshall's on Verdugo Rd. will probably have some great prices on sweat pants. 

5. Shake Weight - The world may be ending but that doesn't mean you need to stop caring about your health. With the Shake Weight, you can get strong and sculpted arms that will be the talk of the post-apocalyptic dating scene.

Alright, you’re all set. No go out there and give ‘em he--! Er…. or something.

Kayley May 24, 2011 at 03:21 AM
only one person knows and that is God, Jesus doesn't even know yet!
Facts Are Truth! May 25, 2011 at 05:20 PM
"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind." - Albert Einstein
God May 25, 2011 at 11:31 PM
Oh Kayley, it's not mocking when I, the almighty, am actually addressing you, the meek. There is also no need for bravery on anyone's behalf to mock me, "the one" (which is honestly a title I don't care for because its not just me out here and when everyone else hears you guys call me that - it gets awkward). I can understand your confusion. A lot of the stories you all made up about me had me being vague and "speaking" to you in strange ways. Just thought I'd set the record straight and let you know that I have never communicated with anyone down there before now, so it's ok for you to feel honored Kayley. Also, it would be a good idea to not hinder your behavior in any way from here on out because the only consequences you'll deal with are the ones that you create. Usually, they come from treating others like shit. And if you die you die. At that time you were the weakest. I had nothing to do with it. I wasn't coming to get you and you won't be joining me anywhere. That's how it works. I also don't care about your sports games. I don't need a thank you every time you win something and never understood why you guys never blamed me when you lost. You are really putting me up on a pedestal up here and like I said - awkward. So, just a couple words to the wise - try to not be the weakest and don't treat people like shit. I'm not really supposed to get involved, but that should get you through another couple millennia. God - out like trout.
Kayley May 26, 2011 at 02:24 AM
Whoever you really are I am not gonna stand in your place before the real God one day but you will suffer the consequences. I am sorry that you are so lost and dying to go straight to hell to burn for eternity I have done as the real true and only God has commanded to get to heaven, to accept him as my saviour. Your blood will not be on my hands. I have tried to help you but you are just being stubborn.
God May 27, 2011 at 12:39 PM
Kayley remember there is no "hell". There is also no "heaven". You can choose to scare yourself into making the correct desicions through your life, but don't think I'm guiding you because I'm not. It's all you. And when you're done you're done. There is no more "life" after that. So live it like it's your last. Cause it is. Threatening people isn't a good start. Remember that part about treating people like shit. It's behavior like that that help you to an early death. Sooner or later you'll make another one of you mad enough to end you. And when you end will you blame yourself or me? God - take her easy and if she's easy take her twice.


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