Patch Blog: Report, Don't Judge

“Can I talk to you after school, Mr. Kimber?”

“Of course,” I said.

When she came to see me there were painful minutes of hesitation before she was able to tell me what was on her mind. Her cousin, age 25, had been sexually abusing her for the last two years.

“He’s like a prince in our family,” she told me. “No one will believe me. If I say anything about this, it will split our family apart. You don’t understand our culture, Mr. Kimber."

“Do you understand, now that you have told me this, that I must report it?” I asked her.

“Please, please don’t do that Mr. Kimber," she said. "My father will kill him."   

“I have no choice,” I told her. “By keeping this to myself I’d be breaking the law.     

The next week was a tough one for my student and her family. The proper authorities had been contacted and a full investigation was launched. For weeks she would not speak to me for having revealed what she considered to be confidential.    

In time she came to me after class to tell me that a black cloud had been lifted from her life, and she wanted to thank me.     

I was glad that she had felt comfortable in coming to me; glad that there are forces to bear on troubled men (This is exclusively a “man” problem); glad that I did not hesitate to report; hopeful  that whatever wound was inflicted on the family would pass with time; hopeful that our young girls and boys learn early the difference between loving affection and sexual advance. And finally, hopeful that more “troubled” members of my gender will do us all a favor and seek professional help before they end up ruining their own lives and scarring the lives of innocent children.